Another holiday done...

I have heard from many other TTC friends that holidays are always hard. For some reason these times of the year often send me into feelings of frustration, and mostly sadness. I LOVE hanging out with my two respective families, but find it upsetting that I don't have cute children to dress up, do easter egg hunts with, or simply enjoy around the holidays. As I look back on the pictures of these events, I get sad that I don't have those types of memories yet. I also am reminded that as each holiday passes, so has another year of hoping that I will get pregnant. Last Easter I distinctly remember thinking that I would be pregnant next year...perhaps even have a baby at that point. As Mother's Day approaches...a day that is probably the absolute hardest for me...I remember thinking that it would be the last one I would have to go through without the promise of having a child. Some of you may be thinking, why torture yourself with these thoughts...but it is my way of coping and being optismistic about concieving. I wish I was the kind of person who didn't get so upset about this, but I am so emotionally attached and connected to the desire to have a baby, a child, a legacy. This past weekend I was actually fine on both of the days that I was spending time with family, but for some reason I broke down during the message on Sunday morning. It wasn't anything Pastor Mark said and I wasn't even concentrating it on at that moment, but all of a sudden I was crying and could barely hold my tears in. Maybe God was trying to tell me something...but I am still not clear on that yet. I was surrounded by all of our friends, who all have children, so maybe it was in the back of my head and I was upset about it. Either way, I made it through another holiday and I hope, pray, wish, that it won't be too many more before I get to have a family to share them with. In other news, I went to see my doctor today. I walked into his office ashamed that, in the past two months, I have basically lost nothing...WHY!!!!! I SO want to have children, yet the one thing standing in the way is losing more weight so I can increase my chances of ovulating...why isn't this enough motivation!! My doctor is amazing, encouraging and told me today that in no uncertain terms that our goal is preggo before my 28th birthday. He told me to keep this goal in mind every moment...and I will. I think the only way I can describe my lack of follow-thru on losing weight in the last two months is that I let the "depression" part of my feelings take over more than the "positive" feelings...and since I am an emotional eater, this spells disaster! So, dear blog readers (the few that there are), I am going to try really hard and will need all the support I can get to stay motivated...in return, I will try and update my progess as much as I can! I have another doctor's appointment on July 17th, and my personal goal for that time is finally getting back to my wedding weight. That means 34lbs...I CAN DO IT!!!! I am going back to Weight Watchers and (as per doctors orders!!!!), Sam and I are committing to walking together as many nights as we can. Today we went for a 45 min power walk, and it felt awesome :) So many things to do, but the payoff will be incredible!!!! Thanks for listening to my rants ;)