2 years - 24 months - 730 days

When do I stop? When do I stop? When do I realize it's enough? Why does it have to be me who has it so tough? There are many out there who are evil and cruel. Yet do You burden them with an infertility curse? A 16 year old delivers a healthy baby boy then throws him in the garbage like some old broken toy. A drug addict has 3 beautiful little ones and beats them black and blue for nothing they have done. A worn-out woman with already more than she can bear sighs dissapointedly when she sees two lines are there. God give me one, just one to cherish all my days And I promise that to You I'll give all glory, credit and praise. Make it stop this intense longing and fear. Please give me a child that I can hold near! By: Shelley Cross

This week is a little better!

This week has definitely been better! I have lost a few pounds and I stuck to eating less in general. I haven't made 100% perfect choices, but I am happy that I am getting back into it. One thing that has been sad is that I have been stuck with a dry cough for the last week and a half. As a result, I haven't been able to workout in the mornings as I just end up having coughing fits. I ACTUALLY MISS IT! It was a good routine that I had going there for a while and I can't wait to get back into it. I still have my goal of 20lbs gone by my next doctor's appt and I REALLY want it to happen...I think I have this faint hope that he will see the 50lbs (at that point) that I will have lost and let me go on fertility drugs then. Silly, I know. If I separate myself from the almost unbearable pain of not having children yet, I do see the advantages of losing this weight before I get pregnant. I don't want to be uncomfortable when I am pregnant, or feel that the labor is too difficult because of my weight...I want EVERY moment of my eventual pregnancy to be amazing. I don't want to look at pictures and think I just looked fat, instead of having a cute bump. So, I do see the advantages, I just find it so hard to deal with feeling left out. I am working on it, but the next few weeks are going to be filled with joy and sorrow...3 new babies born. Oh yeah, since I blogged I have found out about three more friends who are pregnant...if you haven't been keeping count that is now 12. I am, however, very excited to meet my new niece or nephew and my friend Laura's baby. More babies to have cuddles with on a regular basis :) In other news, I may be going on this sailing trip with some of the Gr.9's and 10's at my school. The female chaperone fell through and I don't really have anything tying me down like all the other moms, so I said I would pray about it this weekend. Part of me is excited about the prospect, the other part of me is really grossed out about the fact that I can't have a shower for 5 days...YUCK!

This week sucks.

I have not followed my diet plan. I only worked out twice. I have gained a few pounds. I suspect I need to go back on my metformin to control my blood sugar...I hoped I was done with that. I simply do not feel good inside this week (a result of not eating properly). I wish I had better self-control. Still incredibly upset about all the pregos and babies. Praying about it now. NEXT WEEK WILL BE BETTER, RIGHT???

Facebook, Why do you hate me?

Two pregnancy announcements in one morning...I think I will quietly cry myself to sleep at 10am in the morning. Sometimes I cannot deal. Even more awesome is the fact that I am home alone today. How will I ever survive the next few months...9 friends are pregnant. 9. 9.