On a happier note!

I forgot to mention that I am an Auntie again! I have mentioned that my sister is pregnant on the blog before, but I still haven't posted any info! Isaiah Edward Arthur Neufeld was born on July 18, 2011. I was in the room with my sister and it was the most amazing thing that I have ever seen. My sister is an amazing woman!! I love my little nephew, and I have such a special bond with him. For medical reasons, my sister needed someone to stay with them the first few nights he was born, and I was the one who got to. I took care of him a lot in those first few days, and I was the one getting up with him at night, changing him and settling him so my sister could sleep between feeds. I will always be grateful for that time with him! It solidified for me, even more, that I am going to love motherhood despite those late nights, poopy diapers and crying fits!

A realization...

For the past year I have had dozens of friends and acquaintances who were pregnant. At one point 12 friends were pregnant at the same time! Facebook was the hardest thing, because almost every time I went on, someone else announced their pregnancy, or posted photos of their beautiful baby! This summer tons of my friends had their babies, and I thought perhaps I won't be agonized for a little while. No such luck, within a couple weeks I had 5 more friends announce their pregnancies...wow! One of them being family, which makes it even harder! I have to say that I have been dealing with these announcements better than I was 6 months ago, but the more that happen, the harder that it gets to put on a happy face and give well wishes.

SO, my realization...there will not be a time in the near future when I don't know a dozen prego friends - it's the time of life I am in. I am in the time of life to have children, yet it hasn't happened for me. I get comments monthly from others who also notice that it is my "time" to have children, and they wonder when we are going to have kids. The thing that bugs me about that is that everyone assumes that it is the easiest thing in the whole world. I snap my fingers, and I have a baby...if only! I am very confident in the journey that I am on to have children, but my confidence and contentment about this is shaken each time one more person announces their pregnancy. It brings up all those little feelings of jealousy, envy, and despair...all of which are not characteristics of the woman I want to be. I want to dwell on God and his great power to know my desires and heal me. I pray that he will put a sparkle in my eye, in my heart and in my arms!

Psalm 13

1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.

New School Year...New Fertility Approach

I am heading into a new school year, my third as a teacher, and I can't help feel that "turn over a new leaf" feeling. September has always been one of my favorite times of year because of new school supplies (I have a weakness for pens and notepads), new school clothes, and a new class! This year, I am the teacher in this scenario, but those feelings are still evoked nonetheless. In keeping with this new leaf, I decided to go to a different doctor. This was one of the best things I could have done. He has such a different approach to whats going on with me. In our first session, I felt like more was done than there had been in the past year. He is confident that I will get pregnant, and he was honest that it is going to mean some hard work and dedication from me. He was blunt about my need to exercise and lose weight, and doesn't believe in pumping me full of hormones or fertility drugs just yet. He wants to see me in two months and see progress with my weight. Talk about incentive...I can't just show up and not have lost any weight. Honestly, I don't really know why this time is different...its not like I didn't know that I needed to lose weight, but having a doctor give you a deadline is kind of a wake up call. He suggested that I join Weight Watchers and join a gym, and make these a major priority in my life. I have to treat this like a problem I have. I have never really thought of my weight this way, its always more been a weakness in my eyes. I have to treat this like I have high blood pressure, or type 2 diabetes...something that I need to work to maintain.

So, in light of my new doctor and my new beginnings I am going to join WW and begin an exercise regime. I am going to be honest, every other time that I have attempted to maintain exercise or weight loss, I have failed. I am still working through and thinking of ways that I am going to be able to keep this up. My major incentive, of course, is having a baby, but I am thinking that I need to put up reminders around the house that remind me of this! Or perhaps a reward system: every month I lose weight I get to buy something for our future baby. I am still thinking through this, but if there is anyone out there who reads this and has ideas for perseverance, I would appreciate anything :)

This summer has flown by and I can hardly believe that I am looking toward a new school year in just a few weeks! I have many hopes, dreams and goals for this year, and as soon as I have them all figured out I am going to blog about them so I have a constant reminder of what I really want out of this year! Now to narrow down all the things I want to do/have...could be a big task!!

Mel :)