For the past year I have had dozens of friends and acquaintances who were pregnant. At one point 12 friends were pregnant at the same time! Facebook was the hardest thing, because almost every time I went on, someone else announced their pregnancy, or posted photos of their beautiful baby! This summer tons of my friends had their babies, and I thought perhaps I won't be agonized for a little while. No such luck, within a couple weeks I had 5 more friends announce their pregnancies...wow! One of them being family, which makes it even harder! I have to say that I have been dealing with these announcements better than I was 6 months ago, but the more that happen, the harder that it gets to put on a happy face and give well wishes.
SO, my realization...there will not be a time in the near future when I don't know a dozen prego friends - it's the time of life I am in. I am in the time of life to have children, yet it hasn't happened for me. I get comments monthly from others who also notice that it is my "time" to have children, and they wonder when we are going to have kids. The thing that bugs me about that is that everyone assumes that it is the easiest thing in the whole world. I snap my fingers, and I have a baby...if only! I am very confident in the journey that I am on to have children, but my confidence and contentment about this is shaken each time one more person announces their pregnancy. It brings up all those little feelings of jealousy, envy, and despair...all of which are not characteristics of the woman I want to be. I want to dwell on God and his great power to know my desires and heal me. I pray that he will put a sparkle in my eye, in my heart and in my arms!
Psalm 13
1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.
2 comments:
Melody- thanks for your honesty. It's not easy dealing with difficulties getting pregnant- and you're not alone. Many women have walked this road you're on. I'll be praying for you and Sam for sure. Even though this particular struggle is not our own, we can certainly relate with having to suffer through other difficulties. May God's grace sustain you!
Thanks Shannon! Prayer is always appreciated :)
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