Phase 2 Day 29...already?

These weekends definitely get away from me, and blogging just doesn't seem to happen! Okay, well let's catch up...oh wait, there is nothing to tell. I mean, don't get me wrong, I had lots of fun gatherings this long weekend, which was great. There has been no further weight loss. This morning I was 245.0, which is a total loss of 20.6lbs from my pre-loading weight. I am kind of depressed about this, but at the same time know that I have not been as strict as I could have been the past few days. A couple little tastes here and there of things could be the problem. Here is the real dilemma...I am done with this phase. I am not seeing weightloss, I am so sick of vegetables and meat that they actually make me want to throw-up a little when I see them, and I just want to eat cheese lol! Honestly, if I was still seeing weightloss, I would be fine. I seem to be stalled and it makes me want to not eat "clean" on this phase. I am going to continue tomorrow and Wednesday, then begin my two days of no drops, but still the vlcd. This will allow me to be on Phase 3 for my cousin's wedding and for VEGAS! It will be SO MUCH EASIER and honestly, as my SIL reminded me, I will do less damage to my weightloss. See, cheating on the drops can cause HUGE gains because of how they work in your body, but when you are maintaining your weight, you can eat 1500 calories...this will be such a treat!! I had such great hopes for this cycle and getting into the 230's, but you know what...I still feel great and people definitely are noticing. Today I also felt awesome because I was able to wear a shirt that I bought three years ago. It was on sale, I loved the pattern and even though it was too small, I decided to buy it! I had hopes that I would lose weight sooner, but it never happened...until now!! Just a few weeks ago I couldn't get this shirt over my hips, and today I had to wear a belt because it was a little roomy in the stomach area. HOORAY!

Today I was also reminded that since May 2010 I have lost 45lbs, a major accomplishment! Also, as I approach my 6th anniversary with my hubby I am only a few pounds away from my wedding weight, that is also very exciting. I am also 20-25lbs away (or one more cycle) from the weight my doctor wants me at for the next steps with our fertility plan. I can honestly say that I am so very pleased with my progress and the changes I have been making...and I am looking forward to many more to come!

Phase 2 Day 21, 22, 23

Well I took a little blogging break over the weekend, and yesterday my hubby was home sick and we went to bed early and I forgot to update! So, here is a quick run-down of what has happened in the last few days.

Sunday - 247.0 We went to church and then went to my brother-in-laws birthday party for the rest of the day. I had BBQ Chicken with cabbage slaw for lunch and then BBQ steak with broccoli for dinner. The cake looked INCREDIBLE and was made with chocolate bars and peanut butter...I really, really wanted a piece! Instead, for dessert I had strawberries and a teeny bit of melted chocolate delight. It was delicious :)

Monday - 246.6 I woke up with lots of plans for the day, but my hubby wasn't feeling well so we just relaxed all day. It was a TOUGH day for cravings for me. I just wanted food...any food that wasn't plan food. In fact, I was done with being on the diet. I resisted all day, but alas, when my hubby was sleeping, I had my first CHEAT :( I got a slice of bread and put butter and strawberry jam on it. I was honest when my hubby woke up, but I knew that I had definitely done something wrong. I am disappointed in myself, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that I wanted to be done. Don't get me wrong, the progress has been incredible but I just want to start eating a healthy, balanced diet. I know that my eating habits will be completely different when I do transition off of this diet.

Tuesday - 246.2 (19.4 pounds down) Well, today I woke up and was shocked that I was down, but I still had the same sentiment...I am tired of being on this diet. I want to eat other food and all vegetables are turning me off right now. I probably told Sam ten times today that I wanted him to order Chinese Food. That has probably been my number one craving on this diet, which is weird since I don't usually crave it. Good on my hubby, he was strong for me!! Today I ended up having one of my servings of the Curry Chicken Soup, a melba toast with a piece of cheese on it. That was a cheat as well, but I made it thin and used it in place of my one tablespoon of dairy. I think this is the last time I should have cheese though because I feel like it makes me want to have normal food again even more. For dinner I had zucchini "spaghetti" with meat sauce (100g of beef, 1/4 cup tomato sauce) and a sprinkle of parmasan. (I decided the cheese thing after dinnner.) This was actually really, really yummy and took away my craving...hooray!

 Anyways, the last few days have sucked. I have cheated, I am not losing as much weight, and I am frustrated that when I am so close to my goal (wedding weight), I am losing motivation. I just counted and I have roughly 15 more days on the drops, however I am planning to stop as soon as I am at my goal weight and switch to Phase 3. I am hoping I can do this for Vegas because it would be a lot easier to be on Phase 3 and on vacation. SO, if this is what I want then I NEED to be strict, really strict, with myself for the next two weeks. I can easily lose 8-10 lbs in that time if I follow the plan to a T. I can definitely do this...and I know that this was just a hiccup in my journey to lose weight and FINALLY get pregnant. As I write this I can't help but think PERSPECTIVE MELODY! I have wanted a baby for years and years, and have been trying to have one for over two years now...what is a few more days of eating really restricted. When I write that down and think about that, I just feel so dumb...babies and my health are WAY more important than a greasy meal or some candy. See, blogging just helps me work out all that I am thinking and feeling...I highly recommend it. For now I will get excited about the fact that tomorrow I will probably hit 20+ pounds down!!

On another note...I have decided to blog about my first year teaching in my own classroom. I created the blog, it's called Polka Dot Thoughts, which is what my theme will be in my decor this year. I am so excited to blog about my journey this coming year - and isn't that name the cutest!

Wondering...

Tonight I got some information from a friend about a fertility drug that her sister used to get pregnant. It is called Femara. I immediately researched it and have found conflicting reports (like anything). Almost every woman with PCOS that commented in chatrooms or in threads got pregnant on the first try. This is, of course, tempting to just jump on the bandwagon, however there has been some studies saying that it can cause birth defects if it happens to stay in your system when the egg is fertilized. I have tried Clomid before and there are many risks with it, and much more side effects...but I guess I am little nervous about taking something new.

I am hopefully going for my "dye" test (to see if there are any blockages) next week, and Sam is going for a test as well...then I have a doctor's appointment at the end of October. I am going to talk to him about this new drug, and perhaps it will be a new part of our journey to get pregnant :)

Lately, I have been trying not to focus on the getting-a-baby-thing and I have been doing a pretty good job of it. I have joined Weight Watchers, and am hoping to lose 20 or 25lbs by Christmas. I am on a journey and that is what I have been focusing on...BUT holidays are always difficult and I found it hard to be "thankful" for our lack of children and my families' uncanny ability to get pregnant. I got through it though, and am hoping that more answers and some new treatments will begin to happen in the next month!

New School Year...New Fertility Approach

I am heading into a new school year, my third as a teacher, and I can't help feel that "turn over a new leaf" feeling. September has always been one of my favorite times of year because of new school supplies (I have a weakness for pens and notepads), new school clothes, and a new class! This year, I am the teacher in this scenario, but those feelings are still evoked nonetheless. In keeping with this new leaf, I decided to go to a different doctor. This was one of the best things I could have done. He has such a different approach to whats going on with me. In our first session, I felt like more was done than there had been in the past year. He is confident that I will get pregnant, and he was honest that it is going to mean some hard work and dedication from me. He was blunt about my need to exercise and lose weight, and doesn't believe in pumping me full of hormones or fertility drugs just yet. He wants to see me in two months and see progress with my weight. Talk about incentive...I can't just show up and not have lost any weight. Honestly, I don't really know why this time is different...its not like I didn't know that I needed to lose weight, but having a doctor give you a deadline is kind of a wake up call. He suggested that I join Weight Watchers and join a gym, and make these a major priority in my life. I have to treat this like a problem I have. I have never really thought of my weight this way, its always more been a weakness in my eyes. I have to treat this like I have high blood pressure, or type 2 diabetes...something that I need to work to maintain.

So, in light of my new doctor and my new beginnings I am going to join WW and begin an exercise regime. I am going to be honest, every other time that I have attempted to maintain exercise or weight loss, I have failed. I am still working through and thinking of ways that I am going to be able to keep this up. My major incentive, of course, is having a baby, but I am thinking that I need to put up reminders around the house that remind me of this! Or perhaps a reward system: every month I lose weight I get to buy something for our future baby. I am still thinking through this, but if there is anyone out there who reads this and has ideas for perseverance, I would appreciate anything :)

This summer has flown by and I can hardly believe that I am looking toward a new school year in just a few weeks! I have many hopes, dreams and goals for this year, and as soon as I have them all figured out I am going to blog about them so I have a constant reminder of what I really want out of this year! Now to narrow down all the things I want to do/have...could be a big task!!

Mel :)