Adventures from the Wonderful West

Snow Days and an Update!

2012-01-18T10:03:00.001-08:00

When I was a kid I always hoped and prayed for snow days! I think in the entire time I was a student it happened 4 or 5 times only, but this week I have had two snow days!! Now, being the teacher, I appreciate the unexpected break but can only think about my students and the upcoming exams they have and all the things I wanted to review with them this week. Let's hope that they are being responsible and studying on their own...lol we'll see! I went to my doctor a couple weeks ago and got some disappointing news. Despite the weight loss results I have seen in the last year, he wants me to lose another 40 lbs before going on any more fertility medication. This was different than my last visit, but he said he doesn't want to waste the Clomid cycles I have left. Waiting will optimize my chances on the medication, and get my body in a healthier state to become pregnant. Plus there are only a certain number of cycles you can do with Clomid. How depressing!! I want to lose weight, and have been making changes to help me do this, but another 40 lbs seems like it will take FOREVER to come off!! I am simply not willing to wait another year and I do not want to go through trying each month and have the disappointment that my body is still not ovulating on its own. We tried last month, but no success as the other day I got an un-welcomed surprise. My body needs help ovulating and I am frustrated that I need to wait. Do I go back to the other doctor who has a different approach and will give me the fertility drugs? Do I wait it out and hope that it only takes me 4 or 5 months to lose that weight? Do I go for a more radical approach to weight loss (pills, personal trainer, programs)? Even as I write this, I know the best option is to lose the weight naturally, and not consider how long it will take. I am getting healthy and that is what is important. How then, do I stop myself from crying over pictures of my niece and nephews on Facebook, simply because they are getting so much bigger and my kids will be so much younger. How do I feel happy about my SIL having her third before I even get to have one? How do I feel overjoyed for my 8 friends who are pregnant and all due before June? How can I be okay with the potential that I may not get pregnant this year? It goes on and on... The year started off with so much hope, but now I feel like there is still a long way to go on this journey. I haven't lost all hope though...I am just frustrated and my heart is sad.Can someone invent something that will make the 40 lbs just disappear?

Baby on the Brain

2012-01-02T17:36:00.001-08:00

So it is no surprise that I have babies on the brain. In light of my positive feelings toward conceiving this year, I am beginning to allow myself to dream about what I want for the nursery, or the cute things that I want to get for the baby. I am not going crazy like I did almost 2 years ago when we started trying, but allowing myself to dream feels nice. I felt the need to blog about this because usually looking at baby bedding or gear would send me into a downward spiral of depression, but today I just feel happy and hopeful that all these dreams will come true soon :) I think I will call that growth.By the way, Pinterest is going to be the death of me for ideas! I should start now so I can have a chance to get it all done in the next decade!!

HOPE for 2012

2012-01-01T19:34:00.002-08:00

Happy New Year! Sam and I rang in the 2012 with a quiet night together with good food, games and movies!

I can't help but approach this year with a sense of HOPE. HOPE that I will continue my weight loss journey. So far I have lost 15 lbs since starting Weight Watchers, and that brings my total to 30 lbs gone this past year! I am seeing little accomplishments here and there, like wearing a whole bunch of clothes that I saved and getting to buy new sizes, but I do want that to keep going and I know that continuing my weight loss is only going to increase my chances of having a baby. (I do not want to admit that I did gain a few pounds over Christmas, but I am getting on those PRONTO, lol )HOPE that I will conceive this year. That all the heartache, pain and work will culminate to be one precious gift, a baby. I want to finally become the mother that I know I am supposed to be, the mother that I ache to be everyday, and each time I hold someone else's precious child.HOPE that this year my husband will become a pastor again. We have been patiently waiting for God to open the door, and I am committed to praying him into a position this year! God is working in our lives and in the situations we are in, and I am HOPEful that this is part of God's plan for our lives this year. HOPE that I will grow even closer to God this year. I settle for routine far too often, and am honestly not making the effort that I should. I do not know why I even try to go about my life without relying fully on God in every moment. This is what I truly desire to develop...a moment by moment reliance on God, as opposed to keeping it in little boxes of time I set aside. God has renewed my sense of HOPE that was all but destroyed in 2011, and for that I am truly grateful! I do not want to be where I was last year, instead I want to move forward and anticipate the best year of my life!

Mid-week Report Card

2011-10-19T22:58:00.002-07:00

Well, if I had to give myself a grade on the week so far I would give myself a B. I have been eating really healthy, getting all my veggies and water in! I am making wise cooking choices, and am resisting the urge to snack afterschool and at night. I started a new knitting project, which has been helpful as well! On the other hand, I have been pretty awful at journalling this week. I did it Saturday, and haven't done it until today again! I have been counting the points in my head, but it is never the same because you too easily miss things when you do it in your head. I have also only exercised once this week, and I really wanted to do something at least twice this week...I guess that means that I will have to do something Thursday or Friday :) I am really looking forward to another great weight LOSS this week, and I would love to lose 2lbs or more so I can get my first "bravo" star...lol, I am such a dork!

On a different note, I was at youth tonight and some of the girls asked if they could pray that I would get pregnant! They don't know my situation at all, but I was pretty touched that they asked me if they could. It worked for one of the other youth leaders so, you never know :P

What a good day, and it's only 10am!

2011-10-15T10:21:00.004-07:00

I am already having a great day and it's only 10am! I went to Weight Watchers this morning and I lost 3 lbs exactly! I was definitely not expecting that at all! I bought a bunch of Weight Watcher snacks at the meeting, learned some useful tips and was feeling SO GOOD that I got home and immediately went for a run/walk! I am now going to "splurge" and have squirrly bread with cheese whiz, YUM!

Knitting: The Dieting Miracle?

2011-10-14T22:35:00.005-07:00

It's not really news that I am trying to lose weight. Really this is something that I have been "trying" to do my entire late teen/adult life. This time it is connected to something bigger, having a baby, so I am trying to be really serious about it! In light of this, I joined Weight Watchers last week. I have had some moderate success on my own the last year, but I feel like I need the accountability of a program. I have my first weigh-in tomorrow morning and I am not optimistic for huge numbers, although I am sure that I did lose weight. Mental Note: Don't start Weight Watchers on the week of Thanksgiving :)

It is amazing to me how much my thinking has changed even in this past week. I have always been concerned with eating healthy meals, but this week I was so much more aware of what I was choosing to eat. For instance, tonight Sam and I wandered around the grocery store for 45 minutes just to figure out what to eat...everything we wanted turned out to be high in points. Surprisingly we ended up with a pasta-veggie-alfredo toss for only 9 points!! It was delicious and I feel like I ate a gigantic meal!!

I have also been trying to think of ways that I can curb my late-night eating. If there is one thing that I love, and crave, it is eating something sweet at the end of the night. I know all the research says that eating after dinner is awful for weight loss and for digestion, but I have such a sweet tooth!! Anyways, I was driving home from work today and all of a sudden it hit me: when I have a knitting project on the go, my hands are busy, I don't think about snacking, and I don't eat the extra points! I LOVE knitting and I LOVE that it helps me stop snacking! It is my dieting miracle!! I have three new projects in mind already: a blanket for my niece (her request lol, and how could I resist?), a cowl for myself, and a Christmas present that I won't share just in case the person is reading this! I hope that this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship between my shrinking body and my knitting needles :)

Cheers to weight loss and knitting!!

Wondering...

2011-10-11T23:10:00.002-07:00

Tonight I got some information from a friend about a fertility drug that her sister used to get pregnant. It is called Femara. I immediately researched it and have found conflicting reports (like anything). Almost every woman with PCOS that commented in chatrooms or in threads got pregnant on the first try. This is, of course, tempting to just jump on the bandwagon, however there has been some studies saying that it can cause birth defects if it happens to stay in your system when the egg is fertilized. I have tried Clomid before and there are many risks with it, and much more side effects...but I guess I am little nervous about taking something new.

I am hopefully going for my "dye" test (to see if there are any blockages) next week, and Sam is going for a test as well...then I have a doctor's appointment at the end of October. I am going to talk to him about this new drug, and perhaps it will be a new part of our journey to get pregnant :)

Lately, I have been trying not to focus on the getting-a-baby-thing and I have been doing a pretty good job of it. I have joined Weight Watchers, and am hoping to lose 20 or 25lbs by Christmas. I am on a journey and that is what I have been focusing on...BUT holidays are always difficult and I found it hard to be "thankful" for our lack of children and my families' uncanny ability to get pregnant. I got through it though, and am hoping that more answers and some new treatments will begin to happen in the next month!

On a happier note!

2011-08-23T14:20:00.003-07:00

I forgot to mention that I am an Auntie again! I have mentioned that my sister is pregnant on the blog before, but I still haven't posted any info! Isaiah Edward Arthur Neufeld was born on July 18, 2011. I was in the room with my sister and it was the most amazing thing that I have ever seen. My sister is an amazing woman!! I love my little nephew, and I have such a special bond with him. For medical reasons, my sister needed someone to stay with them the first few nights he was born, and I was the one who got to. I took care of him a lot in those first few days, and I was the one getting up with him at night, changing him and settling him so my sister could sleep between feeds. I will always be grateful for that time with him! It solidified for me, even more, that I am going to love motherhood despite those late nights, poopy diapers and crying fits!

A realization...

2011-08-23T13:50:00.003-07:00

For the past year I have had dozens of friends and acquaintances who were pregnant. At one point 12 friends were pregnant at the same time! Facebook was the hardest thing, because almost every time I went on, someone else announced their pregnancy, or posted photos of their beautiful baby! This summer tons of my friends had their babies, and I thought perhaps I won't be agonized for a little while. No such luck, within a couple weeks I had 5 more friends announce their pregnancies...wow! One of them being family, which makes it even harder! I have to say that I have been dealing with these announcements better than I was 6 months ago, but the more that happen, the harder that it gets to put on a happy face and give well wishes.

SO, my realization...there will not be a time in the near future when I don't know a dozen prego friends - it's the time of life I am in. I am in the time of life to have children, yet it hasn't happened for me. I get comments monthly from others who also notice that it is my "time" to have children, and they wonder when we are going to have kids. The thing that bugs me about that is that everyone assumes that it is the easiest thing in the whole world. I snap my fingers, and I have a baby...if only! I am very confident in the journey that I am on to have children, but my confidence and contentment about this is shaken each time one more person announces their pregnancy. It brings up all those little feelings of jealousy, envy, and despair...all of which are not characteristics of the woman I want to be. I want to dwell on God and his great power to know my desires and heal me. I pray that he will put a sparkle in my eye, in my heart and in my arms!

Psalm 13

1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.

New School Year...New Fertility Approach

2011-08-17T13:28:00.003-07:00

I am heading into a new school year, my third as a teacher, and I can't help feel that "turn over a new leaf" feeling. September has always been one of my favorite times of year because of new school supplies (I have a weakness for pens and notepads), new school clothes, and a new class! This year, I am the teacher in this scenario, but those feelings are still evoked nonetheless. In keeping with this new leaf, I decided to go to a different doctor. This was one of the best things I could have done. He has such a different approach to whats going on with me. In our first session, I felt like more was done than there had been in the past year. He is confident that I will get pregnant, and he was honest that it is going to mean some hard work and dedication from me. He was blunt about my need to exercise and lose weight, and doesn't believe in pumping me full of hormones or fertility drugs just yet. He wants to see me in two months and see progress with my weight. Talk about incentive...I can't just show up and not have lost any weight. Honestly, I don't really know why this time is different...its not like I didn't know that I needed to lose weight, but having a doctor give you a deadline is kind of a wake up call. He suggested that I join Weight Watchers and join a gym, and make these a major priority in my life. I have to treat this like a problem I have. I have never really thought of my weight this way, its always more been a weakness in my eyes. I have to treat this like I have high blood pressure, or type 2 diabetes...something that I need to work to maintain.

So, in light of my new doctor and my new beginnings I am going to join WW and begin an exercise regime. I am going to be honest, every other time that I have attempted to maintain exercise or weight loss, I have failed. I am still working through and thinking of ways that I am going to be able to keep this up. My major incentive, of course, is having a baby, but I am thinking that I need to put up reminders around the house that remind me of this! Or perhaps a reward system: every month I lose weight I get to buy something for our future baby. I am still thinking through this, but if there is anyone out there who reads this and has ideas for perseverance, I would appreciate anything :)

This summer has flown by and I can hardly believe that I am looking toward a new school year in just a few weeks! I have many hopes, dreams and goals for this year, and as soon as I have them all figured out I am going to blog about them so I have a constant reminder of what I really want out of this year! Now to narrow down all the things I want to do/have...could be a big task!!

Mel :)

9 days late and frustrated!

2011-07-03T20:50:00.003-07:00

Normally a woman who is trying to get pregnant would be thrilled that she is 9 days late. I, however, am not happy because I know that it is not because of pregnancy. I ran out of my pills the last week and a half of my cycle and was not able to get more until a few days after my period was due. I guess my body is confused with what's happening, and it confirms for me that the pills from the naturopath are the only things helping my period come on time. The frustrating thing is that my body is playing tricks on me. I have wanted/needed naps that last few afternoons, and I have felt sick to my stomach a couple times in these last few days. I am not letting myself go there and think that I am pregnant, but I hate that my body is playing tricks with my mind. My husband and I are going away on vacation on Wednesday, and in light of the fact that we were planning to have drinks with our anniversary dinner, I will take a test just to confirm what I already know. The thing is, I do not like taking pregnancy tests. The first few months I took tests and got the devastating "not pregnant" symbol. After several months of this I decided that I wouldn't waste the time, heartache or money. Even as I write this I cannot help but have a small sliver of hope...but I keep bringing myself back down to earth by looking at my temperatures from the month, which have done the same thing as they have every other month. I feel immensely silly for wishing for my period, but I either hope that I am pleasantly surprised, or am gearing up for another fun cycle of trying to conceive.

In other news, my sister is only 21 days until her due date. Her belly has grown so much lately, and it is becoming more and more real to me that she will have a little baby soon! I have started feeling more and more depressed that I am not even pregnant and she is ready to give birth. Our dreams of being pregnant together are not going to come true, and our little babies won't be close in age. When I found out she was pregnant, I kept telling myself that I would be pregnant at some point during her pregnancy, and I guess that it is really hitting me lately that this won't happen. On the other hand, I am thrilled to meet this little one and I know it is going to be so special!! I just need to sort through these feelings, and continue to put faith in God that he will hear my prayers and enable my body to ovulate!

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

2011-06-13T10:21:00.003-07:00

The last week or so I have been pondering whether I should give Clomid another try. I tried it for 4 months and it did not get my body to ovulate. After that I explored the naturopathic route and have been doing that since March. It has not worked either, although for the past three months my period has come on time...which is a miracle! I am wondering if the Clomid might be more effective now that my period is more regular. I would keep the vitamins and supplements going, and also do the Clomid. I don't like the idea of the effects that the Clomid could have on my body, but at this point it is the only thing different that we can afford to try. I am trying to be careful not to let my desire for a baby cloud my judgement about this...but most days I feel desperate to just try or do something!!

This summer I am also going to be working on losing weight. The doctors have tested me for, what seems like, everything under the sun, and there is nothing wrong. What is wrong, is that I am about 100 lbs overweight, and this is the only thing they can think of that could be causing it. This is very specific to the woman as there are many women who are much heavier than me and they have conceived. For me, the weight seems to affecting my hormone levels, causing excess estrogen and therefore not inducing ovulation. My hopes for the summer are that I stick with my exercise plan, continue to make healthier eating choices and lose 25 lbs! I have committed to doing my Couch to 5km program, as well as walk...A LOT! Sam and I are going to also be walking in the evenings, and geochaching, which is good exercise if you choose the right area to walk to!

I am very hopeful that with losing more weight in the summer, exercising, and continuing to take the vitamins and supplements that I will get pregnant before the year is out! It saddens me in a lot of ways that I am thinking so far ahead, but I understand that this is a process...and it will feel good to lose more weight before I get pregnant anyways!! I am going to be blogging my journey through the summer...all the nitty, gritty details of the ups and down, and all the real numbers...yikes! I am looking forward to it, and hope that this will keep me a bit more accountable!

In other news, my sister is nearly a month away from her due date, and I cannot wait to meet my little niece or nephew!! My sister and I have always been close, and in some ways I think her baby will feel like the closest thing to my own, until I have my own. I am very excited to share all those special moments with her, and I love that she comes to me with baby questions still, even though I have never had one!! In some ways, this is like I pictured it...I get to help and support my sister through this, even if I have never experienced it myself. I have begun knitting a baby blanket for the new babe, and when I make a bit more progress, I will post pictures!

As I right this I am staring out the window at pouring rain, and am finding it hard to believe that it is the middle of June! I cannot believe that this is the last week of school. Of course, as a teacher, the work doesn't stop when the students stop coming, there are exams and study sessions and my tutoring students to help as well. I am working and tutoring non-stop right now, which is extremely tiring and exhausting! The countdown is on to June 28th, which is when my much-deserved restful and relaxing summer begins, I cannot wait!!

"I was worth the wait..."

2011-06-01T11:22:00.004-07:00

Yesterday I was on a website that all these hysterical baby onsies that you could buy. I browsed through over 20 pages of them and then came across one that said: "I was worth the wait." I teared up at the thought of our little one wearing that! I am confident that when we get our little miracle, they will definitely be worth the wait!! It is just the waiting part that I have to get through :)

I am still working on memorizing Jeremiah 29: 11-13, and trying to live in the hope of that promise! If you are reading this and need a little reminder that God always has a plan for you, then here maybe this will help you also:

Jeremiah 29:11-13

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to PROSPER you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

In Waiting,
Melody

Hello Monthly Gift...

2011-05-26T20:07:00.004-07:00

Well here's the news...I got my period yesterday. I have mixed emotions about this. Obviously I am devastated, yet again, that I am not pregnant. My other feeling is: hooray, my period came when it was supposed to, which hasn't been happening for a very long time! I am trying hard to see the positive, but can't help feeling sad that a February baby is out of the picture. This week has been especially hard as I also found out that I didn't get a teaching job that I applied for, instead a fellow candidate that I know got it. The combination of this and the emotions that come with having a period have provided for a REALLY emotional week! Today at school I was on the verge of tears ALL day...life is so hard right now!

In light of both of these situations I called the most wise person I know, my dad. He has been the most amazing spiritual example for me ever since I can remember. He is so faithful; he gets up every morning to spend an hour with the Lord. I am not kidding when I say that he has only missed a couple mornings since becoming a christian at 18. He is the epitome of what I would want to have in my relationship with God. All I have to do is say: "Dad, you remember that verse that say God is faithful..." (or something like that), and he knows exactly what reference it is. I called my dad a couple nights ago and we had a two-hour conversation about all of this stuff. Some of it was hard to hear, but there was one thing that really stuck with me: God is not punishing me through infertility, or through my missed job, he just might be trying to show me or teach me something. I have felt for the longest time that I was being punished for something...something in the way that I lived or something that I did. My dad firmly believes that God loves me, and punishing me for sin, which everyone has, is not something he would do to me. A little bit of weight came off of my shoulders. I still believe that I need to be delighting in God, and trying to follow his commands for my life...but I don't need to tear myself apart every-time I think of my sin.

My Dad also mentioned that perhaps God is trying to teach me something. I have been thinking A LOT about this, and I am beginning to feel that God is trying to show me that I have to rely completely on him, and believe in his plan for my life. I am going to be honest, I have had a plan for my life for a long time, and I have counted on those things happening. Other than getting married to Sam, and when I wanted to, NOTHING ELSE HAS HAPPENED IN MY TIME! I wanted to get married, finish school, get a full time job, have a baby, go on mat leave, go back to work, and just keep having babies. I was going to have 4 before 32, and have a happy little family! Hello, reality check Melody...this was all without consulting God on his timing. Somehow in the past few years I have forgotten that, even though I feel these things are God's plan for me, they may not happen as soon as I want. I feel wholeheartedly that I am meant to be a Mommy, God has given me such a connection to children, and SO many motherly feelings, that I know this to be true. I am trying to remind myself that, just because it is not happening now, it doesn't meant that it will never happen. If my inability to become pregnant continues, does it mean I still won't be able to have children in other ways? Even though both of these scenarios are so hard to think about, and bring me to tears, I have to remember that God is in control, and his plan is what is right for my life!

In the past couple years I have had little relief from constant anxiety, hopelessness, tears, and "peace-less"ness, and I am wondering if this is because I have been trying to live outstide of God's plan for my life. IS THIS THE POINT GOD? Are you trying to get me to live within your plan, rather than mine? This is so hard for me to do, but yet I know it is the right thing to do. I need to ask God to give me strength to do this, because it does not come naturally for me...or maybe anyone. Living in God's plan may mean having patience for days, months or years to come for both my job and my children. How then do I deal with the constant reminders I am not a mother, or my deep passion for teaching with no outlet, or my sisters and best friends having more and more babies? This is where I need God's strength the most, because even now, I can't stop crying at the thought of months or years more of this. One verse my Dad gave me was: Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. What a promise to believe in...and I need to believe in it!

It is amazing to me how much better I feel after I have sorted out all of my thoughts into writing. I want you to know, lovely readers, that I do have some hope, even as I start my period I think, maybe this month! I know that I have some work to do in order to change the way I think about my life, but realizing this is a start, and I am going to take it day-by-day! From now on I am "Committing to live in God's plan!"!

With Hope Anew,
Melody

It's time to break the unbearable silence...

2011-05-19T22:52:00.003-07:00

I have had it, I can't hold my silence anymore. The thing is that I don't think this blog isn't read by anyone, so that gives me freedom! I know that I need to write my story, and need a place where I can vent and share...so here it goes:

Sam and I have been married for almost 5 years. I have wanted children for as long as I can remember, but we waited a several years to start trying as I was finishing school. Many of my friends had started having babies already, but I was able to deal with it because I knew that WE weren't ready. Finally the time arrived...we were ready to start trying for a baby. I was done both degrees, I was a teacher, and I wanted to have a baby more than a career, so it was time.

My period was quite irregular, so the first few months there was a long time between cycles, but I wasn't that worried. I began to chart my basal temperatures, and check my cervix so that I could know my cycle more thoroughly. A few months passed and I began to realize that I was having the symptoms of PCOS. I was skeptical going to the doctor and suggesting this, but she tested me anyways, for which I was very grateful. The tests revealed that I had PCOS. I had an ultrasound, which showed no cysts. It was and is still confusing because usually this condition means that women have cysts which prevent ovulation. I didn't have that, so what is causing me not to ovulate?

Needless to say I took the advice of the doctor and began taking progesterone to bring about my period on time, which would help my cycles. After two months of this, and no luck, my doctor suggested Clomid. For this I had to go to a gynecologist. I went, and let me tell you, that was the most invasive appointment I have ever had. I won't go into detail, but it was crazy! He tested me for everything under the sun, and the results were all normal! The doctor prescribed Clomid, and I took this, along with the progesterone for 4 months. His outlook was optimistic, so I was also convinced that this would work! Clomid is a strong drug, so strong that you can't take it for longer than 6 months. I realized that this could be harming me, and I was not comfortable with doing two more months on a higher dosage. At this point it had been a year of trying.

It is hard to explain just how it is each month when you are trying. The period comes, signaling you aren't pregnant, but by the time that's over you realize that trying is going to begin soon, and the hope returns. That hope grows a little bit each day, and you begin to think...maybe my cervix will do what it is supposed to, maybe my temperature will spike and stay...just maybe... You try, you have sex all the days you are supposed to, stay laying down for 20 min, keep your legs in the air...do all the advice you can find! Day 21 comes, and you go for a blood test that will prove whether or not you ovulated...however the results don't come before that dreaded event occurs yet again. You get your period, tears come, hopes are crashed and yet another month has come and gone. The due date that you were toying with in your head is pushed another month further. All the baby clothes you've looked at and the pictures of other lovely families you have cried over and been jealous of, just make things worse. You feel humiliated, gut-wrenched, in great pain and despondent. The worse part is that the glimmer of hope appears again, much to your regret.

That year of trying to have a baby was made so much harder by the fact that SO many of my friends and family were getting pregnant. Everytime I went on Facebook, I saw another friend announcing their pregnancy, or posting more pictures of their new babies. Everytime I saw a picture of my family with their kids and the outings they got to do, I would just start to tear up. After each month, the feelings that the pictures and babies gave me got worse. I felt so alone and left out of this wonderful blessing. To top it off my sister-in-law got pregnant with her second, which was really difficult to take. I couldn't believe that she would get to have TWO wonderful children...I was so jealous. A little while after, my sister got pregnant. This was, and still is, the most excruciating challenge of my life. I have never cried so hard in my life, I questioned God a lot in that time. How could he do this to me? I was convinced that he hated me. Honestly, I was so upset that I was being irrational. In the coming weeks I could barely speak to my sister without balling my eyes out immediately after. I kept on feeling like life was unfair, and that I would never recover from this. It took a few months to get excited about my new niece or nephew, and believe me, I felt such guilt over this. I was trying to be happy for her, but I couldn't do it. (On a more positive note, I am now very excited and can't wait to meet him or her in a few weeks!!) It was at this point that I realized that I needed a different approach.

I had heard of a couple success stories regarding the Naturopath, so I made an appointment. I was skeptical and didn't know what to expect, but I went...what else did I have to lose? The appointment went extremely well, he was so knowledgeable, and made me have real hope again. The downside is that it was expensive, but we felt like it was worth it, especially if it worked! The first month...nothing, BUT I got my period on-time, which was something that hadn't happened without forcing it, in a long time. This was just last month, and I am in the very last half of my second month on the supplements. I am day 24 today, and 99.9% sure that I am not pregnant. My temperatures and cervical fluid didn't do what it needed to. I am at the point of hopelessness. I don't know what to do, I think I will try the Naturopath again, but the future only holds expensive fertility treatments that we can't afford.

I needed to write this down. I needed to get this out. I am dying a little bit more inside as we approach one and a half years of this journey. The only promise I can cling to is found in Psalm 37:4 "Delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." I have to believe this verse, because if I don't, I don't think I could get through my days. I know that seems melodramatic, but I really can't go one hour without thinking about my body, how it failed me, how we would have had a child already, how my kids will be SO much younger than their cousins, how I have failed my husband and how I don't know what I would do if this never happened. God has to be my strength through this, but it is hard to leave my worries with him. God, forgive me for not trusting you and your plan!

Well, here it is, my messy, heartfelt and honest story. I won't apologize for it, and if anyone does read this, I hope they realize that this is an outlet for all my thoughts that eat me alive. I welcome comments and suggestions, but mostly I just needed to get this out!

25 already?

2010-02-03T10:08:00.003-08:00

So a big birthday for me is coming up in a couple days, I will turn 25 this weekend! For some reason this birthday makes me feel old, which is ridiculous I know. I guess I am just having those flashbacks about what I thought about people who were 25 when I was 15, and I can't believe that I am now one of them! Getting older is just part of life, and I know that I have lots of life left, and only many more adventures to come! Even though I may not have accomplished everything that I wanted to, I have also had so many blessings in my life!! I have a family who loves and supports me, I met and married my soul mate and best friend, we moved to a whole other province where we navigated and figured out life together, I finished TWO DEGREES, and I am blessed with amazing friendships, some that have lasted over 15 years! If the next 25years are going to be this way, than I say BRING IT ON!!

A little less complaining, and a little more positivity!

2010-01-26T13:17:00.003-08:00

If you read my blog, which I'm sure not many do, you know that I have recently become a teacher. However, I am a teacher without a classroom! There have been so many government cuts and subsequent layoffs that there is no room for new teachers like me. In the past few months I have expanded my tutoring and it is filling my weeks now! I just got another job with a tutoring company who finds my students for me, which is really nice! I am enjoying my current situation, and lately I have been trying to see the positives to tutoring over teaching. I get to have mornings at home, which I really enjoy. I have been in school since I was 5 years old, and I never took a break, so having mornings off has been lovely. I also enjoy the fact that I have time for more of the activities that I love, like knitting, scrapbooking, exercising (well, I'm getting there), and cooking. So, I guess the point of this blog is to do the opposite of complaining, which I do frequently. I am blessed that I have work that pays me well, and I know that teaching is something that I am called to do and therefore, it will happen one of these days!

The Year 2009...

2010-01-18T22:27:00.002-08:00

Borrowed from Laura!

What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Teach my wonderful Grade 3 students on Practicum!

Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for this year?
Well, almost every year of my life I make the resolution to lose weight and get healthy. Last year I would say that I did not keep that one, but I have made some good strides this year already!

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, lots! Katie, Kim, Liz, Niki, Lindsey, Linda, Megan

Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness!

What countries did you visit?
The USA, pretty boring.

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A baby. It has been really hard as so many of my friends and family are having babies or are pregnant, as I desire a baby so much!!! I know that this will happen in God's timing, but I do really hope that it will be soon!

What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 21-22 - A wonderful weekend away with my man.
April 20 - The first day of my full-time teaching practicum.
July 31 - The day that I was finally, finally, FINALLY, done school and my Bachelor of Education! I BECAME A TEACHER!

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
The dream that I had since I was a little girl finally came true. It took a lot of hard work and a lot of time, but it was worth it because I am a teacher!

What was your biggest failure?
It probably involves my struggle with being self-disciplined, in many areas of my life. This is something that I need to be so much better at.

Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Well I had a lot of little colds and flus, which was annyoying, but nothing major.

What was the best thing you bought?
This is sad, but a Wii! Sam and I have wanted one for so long and now we have one. I love that it encourages us not to spend the night on the couch, rather we are up and moving!

Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My wonderful husband. He was so understanding as I went through the busiest year of my life and I couldn't have done it without him. He is so loving, supportive and has this way of making me feel so beautiful and special. Love you babe!

Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
I like to forgive and forget.

Where did most of your money go?
Bills.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Becoming a teacher!!!!

What song will always remind you of 2009?
"I Gotta Feelin'" By The Black Eyed Peas (Sam and I had some fun dance parties!)

Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder (b) thinner or fatter (c) richer or poorer?
I’m (a) mixture of both because I am so happy that I am done school and ready to start my life, but the lack of jobs has been depressing.
(b) the same
(c) minimally richer

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Reading my bible, exercising, spending time with friends, scrapbooking and travelling.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying, doubting and procrastinating.

How did you spend Christmas?
This year we had three christmases, which was new. One with Sam's family, one with just Sam and I, and one with my family. We were so blessed!

Did you fall in love in 2009?
I fell in love again and again with my husband.

What was your favourite TV program?
Well I just finished watching all the seasons of One Tree Hill and I love it so much! I also love Survivor, The Bachelor, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, The Good Wife, How I Met Your Mother and CSI: New York.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate people.

What was the best book you read?
The best book I read was "The Book of Negroes", it was distrubing and uplifting all at the same time. As for a book that isn't so heavy, I really loved "The Fountain Creek Chronicles" and anything by Karen Kingsbury.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Gloriana, a really great country group!

What did you want and get?
A teaching degree, time to relax and rejuvinate and many new friends!

What did you want and not get?
A baby.

What was your favourite film of this year?
This is really hard to say. I really loved "The Time Traveller's Wife", "Paschendale", "He's Just Not That Into You" and "Changeling"

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 24 and my husband made me a birthday surprise that was based on my favourite movies. Each movie represented something that we were going to do that day!

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Losing weight, having a baby, and getting out of debt. Big feats that I going to work on this year!!!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Well I have a lot more sweater vests and collared shirts due to being a teacher. Nothing much changed besides that!

What kept you sane?
Coming home everyday to my husband who is my best friend and who keeps me grounded!

What celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I agree with Laura, I will also swoon a little over Jake from the Bachelor.

What political issue stirred you the most?
The representation of women in politics. I do not like the double standards that were so evident in the American election.

Who did you miss?
My friends, both old and new!

Who was the best new person you met?
The best people I met were Nat and Rosanna. I love those girls and all the laughs that we had!

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
God is so faithful and merciful in my life!!

So I blinked and realized that almost 6 months had gone by!

2010-01-18T22:06:00.002-08:00

So...I haven't blogged in a really long time, but I do want to try and do so much more this year! I have to say that in the past few months, nothing major has really happened, which is good and bad. I have so enjoyed my mornings at home and the luxury that it is! I also wish that I could be out teaching and making a difference in students' lives, but as I have said before...God is teaching me patience. Other than that, Sam and I have been doing well. My wonderful husband who works so hard for our family got a new job and is really enjoying it. He is still not doing what he is called to do, but it is something that he can do now and still love. In light of the fact that Sam and I are both not in our careers right now, I have been reminded of the verses that we pledged and promised would be at the center of our marriage:

Romans 12:9-13
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

There is so much truth packed into just a few lines and this year I want to commit to remembering these verses a lot more!

Some exciting family news is that my Sister-in-Law and Brother-in Law are expecting their second child really soon! I am so happy for them and I cannot believe that is a few short weeks they are going to be a family of four! I hope that in the near future we can give some cousins for my niece and future nephew to play with!

The First Cheat

2009-08-26T10:14:00.003-07:00

So I cheated yesterday, I went to the mall without eating lunch and bought a wrap because I was so hungry! I am mad at myself, but it hasn't weakened my resolve to continue for the next seven weeks.

Nothing much has happened in the past week other than having four large spiders in our house...which I am deathly afraid of! I literally have a meltdown if I see a spider, and this morning I woke up and I had to kill a spider that was sitting in the middle of my bathroom floor! I hate when Sam is not here to kill them, because as much as I would like to leave it, I can't be in the house when I know a spider is here. Anyways, I am thinking that we (and by we I mean Sam) need to go around the house and make sure there are not anymore hanging around that can freak me out!

I have had a few weeks off now and I beginning to need more things to do during the day. I am going to haul out my scrapbooking today and use that to occupy my time, and I am going to take up knitting again, which I stopped after I did a marathon at Christmas. Either than those two things, I need to find a few other hobbies because it looks like I will not be employed for another couple months...blah!! I really want to get out into the school world and start MAKING MONEY! I know it will happen, but I am getting increasingly impatient!

Cry-fest!

2009-08-21T08:49:00.002-07:00

Last night I went to see the Time Traveller's Wife, and it was a beautiful love story! I basically cried for the last 40 minutes of the movie, but it was so touching. It joins the ranks of other really romantic and sad movies like PS I Love You and the Notebook!

Sam and I are embarking on Day 5 of our challenge. Unfortuanately for me, Sam has been taken out 3 times this week!!!! We agreed that if other people take us out it is fine to eat out, now I am hating that we made that exception. At the movies last night I got creative and brought my own popped popcorn, can of pop and homemade peanut butter cookies. It was a great little snack and I even turned down frozen yogurt, my favourite!! So far I haven't found it too difficult but today I woke up craving a big Starbucks coffee and one of their amazing breakfast sandwiches!

I am a Teacher!

2009-08-18T11:08:00.004-07:00

It is official, as of about 2 weeks ago, I am a teacher. I am still praying and waiting for a job, but I know God has something wonderful on the horizon for me! I am so excited that my schooling is finally done! Sam and I were able to get away to the trailer for a week and it was so relaxing! We are also challenging ourselves with a "No Eating Out" Plan for two months. We have found that we tend to go out at least once a week for lunch or dinner, and it is money and calories that we don't need. So this plan will hopefully allow for healthier eating and more money in our savings! I am still allowed to get a Starbucks occassionally...thank goodness. So it is Day 2 of the challenge and we going strong...but then again it has only been 2 days!!

Here are some of the pictures from the trailer. We made delicious food, played 80 games of Sequence, went for a walk to the Nooksack River and had lots of fun!

5 Weeks Left

2009-06-26T08:34:00.002-07:00

It is official, I have 5 weeks until I am a teacher! I am going through the crazy process of applying everywhere I can, and it is definately stressful! I just want a job so much...I will be really frustrated if I can't find one soon, I think God is teaching me patience. We are also trying to trust God about our finances. The past three years have been hard with paying for my schooling, and this past year was more expensive than we anticipated. I cannot wait until I am actually earning money through teaching so that we can begin to save for the future! We just need to trust that God will provide for us, does anyone else find that hard to do sometimes? My human nature jumps in and needs to know now...it's a battle for life I think. The end is definately in sight though, and that is really exciting!

Recent Ponderings...

2009-06-14T19:55:00.003-07:00

I have 5 days left until I am done my practicum and on my way to getting my teaching certification! I also have 5 weeks of commuting to UBC and pretending to care about the assignments they give and THEN I can be a teacher! Obviously I am not enthused about these last few weeks, but I hope that they will speed by! It is hard to believe that I have been in school since I was 5 years old, 20 years of my life! When I actually put that into writing, it looks so sad. My 20 year journey is coming to an end though, and I am so excited to get my life started without the constant of school! Now, here's hoping I actually get a job!

Heat Wave...

2009-06-03T20:44:00.007-07:00

Well, just as I suspected, practicum has flown by at an alarming speed and my life is as busy as ever. It is a different kind of busy though, on most days I love marking, doing prep for my lessons and interacting with the students. I do confess that the recent heat wave has caused my patience to dwindle. I am finding that I am closer and closer to a breaking point when I have six 9 year olds commanding my immediate attention! (I could not imagine having sextuplets!) Thankfully today I decided that instead of enduring the 33 degree heat inside my classroom, we would go out and sit in the shade! Even with this change, my students are acting out like crazy!!! Despite this not-so-great week, I do love my students and will be sad when I leave them. It is only 12 school days until I return to UBC and I guess it is a necessary evil, only one month until I finished forever!

Besides school, which does take up most of my time, I have been tutoring lots and hanging out with my wonderful friends and family! Sam and I went to Jericho beach a couple Saturdays ago, the tide was out and it was a wonderful walk to the middle of the ocean! We have made the committment to go as much as possible this summer because it was so relaxing the first time! Here are some pictures from the Beach and the last couple things I did with my class:

Jericho Beach, Sam and Fish and Chips - A Great Day!

Decorating Easter Cookies, Charcoal Easter Eggs and Printmaking

Almost a Month!

2009-04-18T21:18:00.002-07:00

I wanted to be a faithful blogger, but time just escaped! Teaching is going well, although this week I was sick and missed two days. I recently found out that everyone except for a few people who were at Easter dinner all got the fever/cold/flu combo that I got too. Questionable Turkey perhaps...? This puts me behind on my lesson schedules and I am trying to figure out a way that I am going to fit everything in. Sam and I are doing well, nothing really new happening in our lives. God is continuing to be faithful and has provided Sam with some job prospects, which is an answer to prayer. He has also been providing for us financially and even provided us a way to get some furniture and a better tv for an awesome price. These things sometimes seem inconsequential but I am so thankful that we are able to live and trust God for our provisions in these hard times. On another note I just found out that one of my friends in Ontario gave birth to a baby boy! Congratulations to K and A and new baby!

The next 13 weeks of my life...

2009-03-22T22:24:00.002-07:00

For the next 13 weeks I will be Mrs.Bell to a wonderfully cute bunch of grade 3 students. I will start off at 30-50% teaching and within a few weeks I will be teaching full time! I am so excited about this, for as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a teacher and I finally get the chance. Some of the units I will be teaching include:

Being a Historian
Heritage of Canada
Fractions and Numeration
Pirates Integrated Unit
Games based on Sports
Being a Good Friend
"Owls in the Family" Novel Study
Plant Growth and Changes

It is kinda crazy that I am responsible for all the things that my students learn in the next couple months...it is a big responsibility! I think the thing that I want the most is to inspire my students to believe that learning and school are exciting, useful and fun things in life. I know that not every teacher desires or tries to do this, but I want to be the kind of teacher who's own passion for learning overflows to the students in my class. Anyways, the next 13 weeks of my life are going to fly by at an immense pace, but I cannot wait to be back in the classroom! I am going to try to keep my blog updated regularly with news from my class for any readers out there (if there are any).

My Rant of the Month...

2009-03-11T22:23:00.003-07:00

Melody's List of Things to be Done by March 23

1. Finish History Unit Plan
2. Finish Heritage Unit Plan
3. Finish Math Unit Plan
4. Start P.E. Unit Plan
5. Finish Art Unit Plan
6. Complete 2 entries for E-Portfolio
7. Meet with my Advisor
8. Begin the Long Practicum

Most of these things don't have any meaning to anyone out there, but it makes me feel better that I have written them down. Each of these things are important to my practicum, but they are only part of what I need to do! This program (UBC Bachelor of Education) seems to be one big test: How far can we push the future teacher's so that they either crash-and-burn or push through?? Although I am trying to not let anything get me down too much because teaching is my passion, I do feel like I have so much busy work and no time to have a life! And this to-do list is only for the first half of my practicum! I just have to keep telling myself that it is only 142 days until I am done school forever and certified as a teacher, I cannot wait!!

A New Look

2009-03-10T21:33:00.003-07:00

Welcome to the new look of my blog. I saw the most amazing background on Laura's blog and so I decided to update mine as well. The website has so many options, it was hard to choose but now that I know it, I can update it all the time!

Good Friends

2009-03-08T11:05:00.005-07:00

Yesterday night I got together with my wonderful friends that I have known since Grade 8! We went to dinner at Kingfishers, which was an okay experience. I had a salad that was $15 dollars that was definately not worth it, but such is life I guess. Then we came back to my house and basically sat around and talked, laughed and giggled until 1am (which we forgot was actually 2 am). It was one of the best times I have had in a long time, I love these girls! We have been through so much together, we spent our 'growing up' years supporting each other and I was reminded of how much each one of them means to me and the influence they have been on the person I have become! We are all insanely busy and don't get together that often, but then I realize that one of the most amazing things about our friendship is that we go right back to being 15 year-old best friends in about a minute! I am also amazed at how much we have 'grown-up', four of us are either married or engaged! I am so thankful that I am still friends with these amazing women and that I get to be a part of the exciting and important moments in their lives. Here's to the next 10 years of friendship with my girls!

This is really cute, older picture of all of us!

Why Can't All Worship Be Like This?

2009-02-13T21:55:00.003-08:00

I was listening to this song today and felt so incredibly close to God, but I can't help but wonder why all worship isn't as moving? Why can't our church worship come close to what I feel when I listen to this music?

THE STAND
BY: HILLSONG UNITED

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

Sam's Grandpa's 80th Birthday Party

2009-02-09T19:29:00.005-08:00

We went to Grandpa Friesen's 80th Birthday Party yesterday and it was great fun! I took lots of pictures, but the cutest ones were of my niece Sarah who was intent on babbling during the presentation...ADORABLE! Here are some of the highlights:

Sam's Grandpa loves high-tech gadgets so the family got him a Wii!

Sam and his Grandma!

Isn't she a cutie?

Sam and I!

On a side note...two posts in two days, wow!

Birthday Fun!

2009-02-08T10:57:00.002-08:00

Yesterday was my birthday and I had a wonderful day with my husband! I woke up to a birthday adventure all based on movies that I love!

1. Breakfast at Tiffany's - Sam made me a wonderful breakfast to start the day!

2. In Her Shoes - He bought me a new pair of shoes for my birthday that I was to wear when we went out!

3. Confessions of a Shopaholic - I opened a gift with a bag in it that I have wanted for a while!

4. The Sound of Music, Miss Congeniality and You've Got Mail each signified a gift card that he got me so that I could go on a mini shopping spree! The Sound of Music was for HMV, where I bought Love Actually, Mamma Mia soundtrack and Becoming Jane. Miss Congeniality signified a 'make-over' for which I got a Body Shop gift card! And You've Got Mail was for Chapters because whenever I see that movie, I wish that I could own a children's book store!

5. The next movie was Ratatooie, he took me out to dinner at the Olive Garden in Langley. I decided to not think about the calories and got Chicken and Shrimp Carbonara, it was so delicious!

6. Music and Lyrics - We were off to a CD recording at CLA Langley, which was so awesome! They were giving away prizes and asked if it was anyone's birthday, Sam and Hannah made me go up! It was slightly embarressing as they sang...but I got $30 to Starbucks so I am thrilled!

7. Sex and the City - He wanted to take me out for drinks and dessert, but we ended up being really tired so we got slurpees, came home and watched Love Actually!

It was such an amazing day and I have my wonderful husband to thank for that!! Here's to being 24 years old, I don't really feel different but I have to say that being close to 25 seems a little bit weird and scary! By this time next year I hope that I am teaching and possibly preggo...so needless to say this year is going to be fun!

What happened in January...

2009-02-02T08:18:00.006-08:00

So the month of January has absolutely flown by and I cannot believe that it is already February! The first two weeks of January I was doing a practicum at the class that I have been assigned to for this year. I was teaching a Social Studies unit on Canadian Symbols and Citizenship and it went so well! My students were so engaged in the lessons and I really felt like they learned some important things. I can't really explain how exciting it is to be teaching in a classroom, the moment that I step into the role of teacher I know that it is where I am supposed to be! I also really felt like I got to know my students so much better during this practicum, because up until this point I was only going in once a week. The students who had been testing my authority finally realized that they couldn't get away with anything :) and they began to have a lot more fun! I expected this 'testing' period and I am so glad that it is over, although I hope that when I return in March I can start right where I left off. On my last day all the students came up and gave me hugs and one big group hug, it was so cute! It was really sad to leave and now I am back at UBC for 8 weeks, which is a pretty difficult transition back to being the student. This semester is speeding by though and I have so many assignments that I know that I will be too busy to miss my students.

Here are some pictures of my students' work from January...

This is my niece wearing the scarf I made for her, isn't she cute?

Here are Sam and I at a Christmas party...

Another year has past...

2008-12-30T16:00:00.002-08:00

SO almost a year has past since I updated my blog. Many times I would log on with the best intentions of writing something about my life but it never happened. As I approach the new year I am encouraging myself to blog more often!

So much has happened in the last few months, here is a brief synopsis:
1. The biggest change is that we moved from Ontario, back to BC! It was a big change but we are loving being back with all our family and friends.

2. I am starting my second semester of the UBC Teacher Candidate Program! I have a classroom in Coquitlam that I am assigned to for the year and I have an upcoming practicum in January! I am teaching my wonderful students a unit on Canada, specifically the symbols, the Charter and about the diverse people who make up Canada. Basically, what makes us Canadians? The end is near for my schooling and I will be so happy when its over and I can simply teach!

3. My husband has gone through many changes this year as well and he is looking for a pastor job at the moment. He is toiling away at construction jobs that he tolerates so that he can provide for our family! I am so grateful to him for all his hard work and we are continuing to pray that God would provide him with a pastor position so he can get back to doing what he loves!

4. I am now an Auntie!! My husband's brother and his wife had a beautiful baby girl named Sarah Isabella and I can honestly say she is the cutest most wonderful baby! I delight in the role of being her Auntie and I can't wait for the next new months when she begins to talk and walk! I knit her scarves for Christmas and I have the cutest pictures that I will attach soon!

There are many, many, many other things that have occurred over the last few months, but it would be too much to recount, so I will bid the blogging world good-bye until my next post!

I Got the Fever

2008-02-26T09:21:00.002-08:00

I have the Baby Fever! First of all it is usually around this time of year that I begin to nest like crazy and want babies! This year it is even worse, perhaps because so many of my wonderful friends are having babies :) I think that God is on a mission to teach me about being content and patient, and I have to realize that he has a plan for my life that cannot always be completed on my timetable. ~SIGH~ Don't you love it when God is teaching you something?

Tag, I'm it!

2008-02-24T17:11:00.003-08:00

So I read this little game on Sara's blog and basically it means that anyone who reads my blog and has their own has to do the same:

Pick up the nearest book over 123 pages.
Turn to page 123.
Find the first 5 sentences.
Post the next 3 sentences.

"The Pillars of the Earth" by Ken Follett
I actually haven't read it yet but I saw Oprah rave about it so I wanted to read it.

"Then on holy days, when people come from all over the country to hear the services in the cathedral, we gather farthings galore. 'It seems to me we might man the bridge on holy days only and give you a fire out of the proceeds,' said Phillip. Paul looked anxious."

Nothing to spectacular or moving, but its a game.
Now, I am going to watch the Academy Awards!

Ummmm...

2008-02-09T21:13:00.000-08:00

I just realized how long that blog was, it doesn't look that long when you are composing it! Anyways I forgot one thing, my husband has decided to start a blog of his own, the address is:

http://youneverknowthatitcouldbenothing.blogspot.com

The Happenings of Recent

2008-02-09T20:50:00.000-08:00

Well again I have taken a great leave of absence from blogging. So much has happened in the last few months, I finished my crazy semester and am in my last semester of my degree, how awesome does that feel! In the month of December both Sam and I were super crazy with activities and hospitality. Here is a summary of everything we have done in December and January:

- Formal Christmas Banquet, and Sam sang with the men's quartet and it was awesome!
- FINALS, I finished them!
- December 12th, bought and watched LOST Season 3 in less than a week.
- Sam's 25th Birthday, I made the best cake for him and will get the recipe to all those who asked for it!
- Our 2nd Annual Christmas Eve Party, which was on the 23rd this year because of conflicts. We had 6 of our closest friends over and made them a gourmet meal, with my famous potato skins! Sam wanted to experiment to and made gourmet burgers. They were on foccacia bread, one had crispy pancetta rounds and white cheddar and the others had tomato, basil and parmesan. Each were topped off with homemade roasted garlic mayo! They were amazing!
- Christmas Eve Service, I sang in the College and Career Girls Choir (we do a special number every year) and Sam had a repeat appearance with the Quartet
- Christmas! We were super spoiled this year and just spent a quiet time, just the 2 of us, it was really relaxing and fun.
- New Years! We were supposed to go into Toronto to see the Plain White Tees and the cast of We Will Rock You, and many others, but weather intervened so we went over to a friends and played Wii, it was so fun. Therefore, Sam and I have decided that it will be our splurge item from our Tax Return!
- I got Grey's Anatomy for Christmas, so we have watched Season 1 and 2.
- Sam got all three seasons of Arrested Development and we watched all of them, that it probably one of my favorite shows now!

Wow, that is a lot of stuff! On top of all of that, Sam and I were faced with some really challenging times with his job. Needless to say it is a super long and complicated story, which ends with us giving our resignation on December 26th (yes, we were faced with the decision over christmas day). So there are a lot of changes coming up in our lives. Sam ended his job on January 31 and we are beginning to look and pray about a new position that is closer to home. God has been good and is using this experience to bring us closer to him because the next months are going to be leaps of faith!

Well, that essentially updates our lives! One last super important thing is that it was my birthday on February 7th! I am 23 years old now! I got so many great gifts, like all three Anne of Green Gables movies, but I also got some money, which is now put aside for some really awesome things! I love Willilams Sonoma, it is one of my favorite stores and I am going to go and purchase a Le Creuset Stovetop Kettle in Lemongrass Green, 2 Stainless Steel Baking Sheets and Grapefruit Counter Spray. I am not quite sure why kitchen things get me so excited, I guess it is just one of my quirks! Well that's all for me and I am going to aim to blog more often!

Where does time go?

2007-11-28T11:37:00.000-08:00

So it has been one month since I blogged, which seems incredible to me becuse I felt like I just did! An update: school is crazy, I was possessed to take 6 courses and I am paying for it now, all I can think about is that it is only 2 weeks until I am done!

In other news, Sam and I have officially got our vacation plans in order. We are going away to Collingwood (a resort area in Ontario) for 3 days in February, and then in August we are going to Florida for almost 2 weeks! I am so excited about going to Disney World because I have only been to Disneyland once and it was after the Mexico Missions Trip, and Sam and I had our first date there. Besides that we are going to rent a car and travel the coast, go to Miami Beach and go scuba diving at Fort Lauderdale where all the shipwrecks are. Anyways, I am just super excited because we haven't been able to get away for a holiday since our honeymoon.

Well nothing else exciting is really happening in my life, basically I am consumed with homework and thinking about my applications for teacher's college!! Wish me luck!

A Weekend Away

2007-10-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

So Sam and I have been trying to get away for a weekend since our anniversary! My parents and sister were visting for two weeks after our one-year anniversary, so we said we would go away before school starts, well its almost November and we still haven't been able to get the time to go. We want to go to Buffalo for some good shopping, but who knows when that is going to happen; the Canadian dollar will probably be worth way less! On a brighter note I know for sure that we are going away in April to the Family Life Marriage Conference in Niagra Falls, we went to one while we were engaged and had a great time, so we are going again! Anyone who wants to join us can let me know soon because we are going to register soon!

I am alive...

2007-10-18T07:25:00.000-07:00

So, I am amazed at how time flies, I didn't realize that it has been so long since I blogged! I am here and alive, just really busy! This week especially I have 4 midterms, and my studying fervour is dwindling away with each one. Other than school being busy, I don't really have anything crazy or new happening in my life, although I did get a new pink laptop! I have been taking it to school, and taking notes in class is so much easier now because I can type faster than I can write. I am actually sitting at a cute cafe on campus at this very moment enjoying my new toy! My sister on the other hand has really exciting news because she is finally ENGAGED! So congratulations to Hannah! I am really excited about the wedding, but I am sad because I am across the country and am not going to be able to do all the "Matron of Honour" duties and actvities. I am working on some stuff from my house, and Hannnah and I talk all the time about wedding stuff, so I hope as the process goes along I won't be too upsetg about missing all the fun parties! Well, I guess I better get back to studying for my midterm that I have in 2.5 hours!!

Gym Fiasco

2007-09-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

So today I went to the gym, good right? Well I arrived later than planned but I made the best of it and worked my tail off. I went to go into the shower and realized that I had forgotten my towel. So as a last resort I used the t-shirt I had just worked out in, which clearly defeats the purpose. After that I went to brush my hair and I had forgotten my brush, thankfully I had a comb but needless to say it did not do its job! So I finally get ready, using my moisturizer bottle as a round brush, and I walk to my locker where there is a women, fully naked, bending over towards me in front of my locker. I can see everything, and I mean everything! So I squeeze my way in, trying not to look at anything, when she starts up a conversation with me. I mean my arm is practically touching her breasts and I wish I could have said: "I don't want to talk to you lady, your NAKED!" So I got out of there as fast as I could! Who says your life can't be like the movies?

Busy Busy Busy

2007-09-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

So this semester I have decided that I am going to try and be "Super Melody" and do absolutely everything! I am taking 6 upper level courses, which to date are requiring me to write 8 essays. I am also leading a lifegroup for a bunch of youth girls, and being a friday night youth leader. I have agreed to be come our church's Ministry Team Leader for grade 2-4 and teach throughout the semester. This is all other than my part time job, which takes up 20 hours of my week! I have to say that with all this busyness I have had no time to clean the house or do laundry! Thankfully my wonderful husband has been an amazing help with doing the dishes and working at the housework, I couldn't appreciate that more! This afternoon is the first time in almost two weeks that I have had more than an hour at home that wasn't after 10pm, I am planning to get a lot accomplished! I am going to finish the laundry, clean the bathroom, begin my essay, make a fabulous dinner (Pasta Shells stuffed with Ground Turkey and Cheese) and watch the season premiere of Survivor China. What's the expression: "With great plans, comes great success"? I hope that is true of the ambitious semester I have set out for myself. Wish me luck!

Sunny Day

2007-09-10T21:15:00.001-07:00

So I have officially started school again and I have to say that there is nothing like walking on my campus on a beautiful sunny day with the wind blowing and the creek rippling. All I can do is be thankful to God for the sunny, BC-like day with no humidity! I hope everyone (the few of you who read this) are having as great a day as I am, or was as I am off to bed now.

PIZZA!!

2007-09-05T15:50:00.000-07:00

Despite how much I love to cook, and despite how much time I put into making meal plans and grocery shopping...tonight I am tired from work and just want to order pizza! In other news I found this really cool "Health Journal" in Chapters today. Each page has places to record what I eat for each meal, exercise, water, goal, weight and date. It is like a jazzed up version of a Weight Watcher journal. I have been on WW for a while now, but it ended a few weeks ago and I lost 12 lbs but I subsequently gained 2 of them over my holidays so....instead of spending the money on another 3 months I have decided to have another go of it at home. I will use my new journal and have Sam weigh me in on Thursday mornings (which was my regular WW time). I am also going to try and email with another friend of mine who is also trying to lose weight, I am hoping that this motivation and accountability will help me lose a bunch of weight before christmas! This of course conveniently coincides with my decision to eat pizza tonight and start tomorrow. Wish me luck!

The Return to the World of Television

2007-08-31T07:51:00.000-07:00

When we first moved to Guelph our first basement suite included tv in the utilites and then when we moved to our current place we opted not to pay for tv. So it has been a good, long period of crazy bunny ears and moving the tv all over the living room just to see if we can get CBC for the Canucks games! Rogers is having an amazing sale so we have decided to dump Bell and go with them because for just $20 more per month we can get everything with Rogers and have VIP cable, I have to say that I am pretty excited. We have been trying so hard to be wise with our money and budgeting and the fact that we have made a switch and are getting more for our dollar is rewarding. I am on this budgeting kick right now because Sam and I literally do not know where all of our money goes each month, we always have enough but I have a feeling that we could be saving more effectively if we entered everything we spent into a document. I have made the template for September and I hope it is going to show us that we have more money than we think we do. SO, here's to the return of tv, the return of the Canucks (timeshifting is going to be awesome), and to budgeting!

I'm a Newbie

2007-08-29T12:14:00.000-07:00

So, here I am! After almost a year of reading others blogs and thinking that it was such a cool way to document my life I have decided to do it! I will strive to be a faithful blogger who shares interesting tidbits about my crazy life with my dear husband. On another note Sam and I have been designing the youth room, which is just happening now, after being at this church for a year, however I am so excited about what we are doing! The colours we are using are various shades of grey, blue and green. On two of the walls we are colour blocking squares with blue, green and light grey. Stay tuned for pictures. All this painting has given me an awful migraine and a really sore neck and back, who knew that painting was so painful. Besides the paint we are looking to build a snack bar (similar to Burnett's coffee bar on a smaller scale), which will not only have food but books. Sam and I found these really cool shelves at IKEA that can be mounted on the wall. So all in all the youth room is coming together, and I am enjoying playing designer and spending money that isn't mine!